you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
