I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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