we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
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if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
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Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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