My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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