some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sobbing to NWA
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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