Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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