he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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