i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
