She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
