Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize