Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
