a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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