I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
