I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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