the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
