I love having hate sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
