You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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