you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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