You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
