I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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