It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
