i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
