in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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