well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
