I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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