Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My hand turned me down
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
