this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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