my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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