look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The ass gains better be worth it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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