Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
