I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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