Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
