chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
