I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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