my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
