I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
