don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
