brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
