I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
