college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't turn off my feet"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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