I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
