Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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