I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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