I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
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Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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