youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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