obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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