Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
