somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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