I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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