Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
