Umm I'm too high to move.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
