So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
