Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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