Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
