but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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