My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
