i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
