3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
