I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And then he peed in my hair
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