1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
