eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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