You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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