if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
