So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
