didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
