Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
