how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
