If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
