i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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