well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
