I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Welp...herpes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
