I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
