Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
