..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
