i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize