My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
