Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
