I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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