I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
