i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You made out with two different species that night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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