I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
