I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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