I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
