I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
