Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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