Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
