careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
