Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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